The Best Part of Me

The Best Part of Me
3-28-10

Gregarious green windows to the soul,
Framed with long,
Black stilettos.

Emeralds reflect
The stars and the red glow
Of Mars.
Curious about the universe
And the shining mysteries
Hiding in the farthest reaches
Of outer space—but space is immeasurable:
‘farthest reaches’ do not exist.
Green stars encircle the
Powerful, unforgiving, light-capturing
Black holes.

These beautiful gems
Surrounded by a relentless red
Sea of fire.
Relief cannot be found;
writhing in endless agony.
Eyes of jade sealed shut
With the residue from this horrific,
Chlorinated-water burn.
The searing pain
Of a thousand shards of glass,
Clawing at my eyes.
Closed; open,
The burning is unceasing.
Anxiety builds:
will the windows to the soul
Become murky and dim;
The clarity of sight become a thing of the past?
Cowering in anguish,
As the inferno rages on.

The firestorm decreases
From drug-induced sleep.
As the sun rises over the hills,
Clarity returns.
Scanning pages of a book
Reading black notes on paper.


Clear whirl pools
Spill over black lashes
After an exhausted yawn.
Rivers stream down marble cheeks.
From lack of sleep,
Not sorrow.

Smiling as life strides past
Gregarious green windows to the soul
Framed with long,
Black stilettos.

My brain shouts one thing.
And my friends agree...

My gut thinks both are wrong.
My heart screeches, struggling to be heard above the chaos.

Old Shores 3-23-10

Old Shores

Less than a year ago, everything had been perfect. Then high school happened, and my friendships were changed.
My first time to Disneyland, to Six Flags, to California. My first time seeing the ocean. The MJH Jazz Band Trip.
Though he wasn't in jazz band, he had come with us. He sat on the bus with me for 12 hours. He had loved me...
I bounced in my isle seat as my excitement became unbearable. We were on our way to perform on the Pier at Santa Monica. It was overcast, but my yellow jacket brightened up the beach.
I nervously stuck my toes into the sand. It was cool, both in texture and temperature.
My floppy, yellow sunhat complimented my all black swimming suit as Madeleine and I walked toward the waves. We dodged them, then let the water swell around our ankles. It was freezing! A cheeky seagull found its way into my bag and started dragging my white sunglasses across the sand.
Madeleine approached a fearless seagull with a bit of granola bar in her outstretched hand, and laughed when the seagull's beak touched her palm.
...I wish I could go back

Ms. Sides' comment: It seems as if days were brighter then. As if something has been lost. As if an innocence has been lost. I thought this was very true...

Questions in the Heart of a Thrower: 3-18-10

Questions in the Heart of a Thrower

Am I too curvy, too muscly, for boys to like me?
Why do they look right past me?

Am I beautiful?

Why don't my best friends
ask me to come along
since I always make sure they
feel included every time?

Why do I always feel
like everyone in the world
is my friend
when I don't even know who they are?

Why do I see the world so differently?

What happened to the Mayans?

Where does my train of thought originate?

Do people watch me and laugh
behind their hands as I do something ridiculous?

Why am I unable to control my eating?
Why do I continue eating after finishing a massive dinner?

Will I ever get any answers
once this javelin flies from my hand?

Mark: 3-18-10

Mark

"Lights out!" Linda hollered up the stairs, seeing the sliver of a flashlight beam shining under Mark's door.
The light went out immediately, accompanied by the snap of a hard cover book closing and being set on the floor.
Linda rolled her eyes and returned to the computer where she was working on a novel.
Mark was listening intently for the creak of the third stair from the top as his mom came up to scold him. It never came. It was 11:30, and he had to be to school before the sun was up for early morning jazz band.

****

When the alarm went off at 5:30, Mark's eyes flashed open. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. It should be dark...I shouldn't be able to see anything..." He thought drowsily. He opened his eyes once more, blinking rapidly at the clarity of his room. He rolled over, stepped out of bed, and saw a red-orange splotch through the floor.

Mark reached out to touch the splotch, and gasped when he saw his hand. It was red, too. Infrared? Mark thought, absolutely alarmed.

"MOM!?" He yelled in a panic, running down the stairs, watching his mother's orange splotch bounce in his vision...

I Never Realized: Draft 2

I Never Realized
It’s February 1, 2010 and
I never realized
how much I love this world
With its up’s and down’s
We smile and frown
Life is like space
So immense, fast-paced,
Limitless, with jewels of
Friendships that sparkle like
Diamonds

I never realized
How much I love being me
With my big eyes, big grin
Big feet, and big personality.
I never realized
How fantastic my snort is
Until I saw the grins and laughter
It spread to all who heard it.

I never realized
How much I loved my friends
Until we were separated by high school
Now things will never be the same
I never realized
How I held that group together
The kind of glue I was
I never realized how much they needed me
Until it was too late to go back.
Too late to change the past.
I never realized
How much I love hugs
Until there was no one there
to hold me close

I never realized
How much I’ve changed
Since 9th grade with my immaturity
My body has changed
But my mind is the same—twisted, confusing, fantastic

Different.

I never realized
How important it is
To listen
When someone needs your help
When they’re on the edge
Ready to jump.
I know now how much people depend
On one another
To survive.

I never realized
How much I loved
And needed
My brother
Until he almost went away
For two years.

Then life happened—he stayed home.

I never realized
How much I love music
Until I learned how it worked
And how to make it work for me
If I just don’t let myself
Give up.

I never knew
How much a book could do
To waste away the unfilled time
Until I only had unfilled
Time.

I never realized
How many ways one could
Perceive space
And time.
Interchangeable
Unchangeable
Unstoppable
My space-time continuum
And destiny are changed
whenever someone
Enters my life
For better or worse.

I never realized
How much I want to travel
Back in time
To correct what I’ve done
Wrong.
Make sure I do it right this time.

I never realized
How words can damage
Harm, injure,
Kill a person inside
And outside.
I know I need to be more cautious
So I don’t hurt anybody
Ever again.

I never realized
How sick I am of hurting people
Until I looked behind and saw
The damage left by the wake
Of my passing.

I never realized
How much I love
To hold a person close
and feel their warmth in my arms

I never realized
How much I write
When the emotions being
To surge
I never realized
How I can’t hold back
When I get started
Nothing can stop me.
Don’t stop me.

Vacation

Vacation
Chapter One

“You’re lost, aren’t you?” asked AnnaLynn, giving her husband a glare that could’ve stopped a stampede of rhinos.

This so-called “vacation” had been Paul’s idea from the very beginning. He had planned for the family to stay in California over the children’s two week Christmas—or to be politically correct—Winter Break. They had packed their bathing suits, shorts, and suntan lotion, ready for two full weeks of fun in the sun.
It had taken two days to get to California from Salt Lake City. Their brand new Ford F-150 had broken down in the middle of Nevada, miles from any form of civilization. Luckily, Kayla had packet her scooter. She set it up at lightning speed, and being six years old, had insisted that Paul wear her Barbie helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards.

AnnaLynn almost wet herself from laughing as Paul propelled himself down the deserted highway, decked out in pink and struggling to keep his pants on his waist. The family vacation photo album was sure to be full of pages titled “Say No to Crack!”

The news was not good in behalf of the truck. Something had happened with the transmission, and the radiator had pulled an Old Faithful. It would take several weeks and almost $2,000 dollars to get things up and running again. Paul refused to pay for it; calling the dealership they had purchased the truck from, and insisted that they pay for it because it had only been one week since purchase, so their inspectors were not doing their jobs correctly. The dealership had consented after several hours and “Hold, please”-es. They also agreed to pay for the rental car to get them the rest of the way to California.

Much to Anna’s surprise, they were given a Cadillac Escalade. They transferred their luggage into the trunk, strapped in baby Joe’s car seat, and ushered the two girls into the back row of seats. Danielle, who was almost sixteen, shoved her earbuds in before Paul had even started the engine.

The family rolled out of Elko with their new set of wheels at 6 pm, already behind schedule. It was sure to be a long drive, and Danielle needed driving hours to get her license, and this was her chance to finish up. Paul was sent back with Kayla while his oldest child adjusted the seat so she could reach the pedals and see over the dashboard at the same time. Danielle plugged her iPod into the stereo and selected her Ella Fitzgerald playlist.

The sun was beginning to set as Ella’s deep vibrato emanated from the speakers. Joe began snoring softly in his car seat, and Paul slept with his face pressed against the window, since Kayla had stretched across the back seat, fast asleep.

“Honey, we haven’t talked in a very long time.” AnnaLynn said quietly.

“Yeah…” Danielle said distractedly, signaling and changing lanes. After a long paused, she said, “Mom, I’m worried about Katie.”

“What?” AnnaLynn sat up, alarmed, “Why?”

“I think… Mom, I think Eric…” She swallowed, her voice broke as she continued, “I think Eric is abusing her.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks, “Mom, the other night she came over to help me with our calculus homework, and she had bad bruises all over her neck and arms. Her lip was cut, and her hips hurt. I think Eric beat her.”

“Eric is her boyfriend? Eric Winlap?”

“Yeah. They’ve been dating for about a year. Mom, what do I do? What if he kills her?” The panic was making her voice rise in pitch.

“Ssshh…calm down. It’s okay. Did she tell you that he hit her?”

“No! She flat out denied it!” Danielle was sobbing as silently as she could so she wouldn’t wake the baby. “Mom, I can’t see.”

“Pull over, sweetie. I’ll drive.” AnnaLynn’s heart was breaking for her daughter.

Mother and daughter traded places quickly, closing the doors as softly as they could. Danielle curled up in a ball and laid her head down on the arm rest between the seats. AnnaLynn reached behind the seat without taking her eyes off of the road and pulled a pillow into the front seat.

“Danielle, here’s a pillow. Sleep. Everything will be alright. I promise.”

Danielle couldn’t think of a reply, so she laid there with her eyes wide, tears dripping sideways down her face, leaving a growing wet spot on the pillowcase. She didn’t know when she finally drifted off to sleep until she awoke to find herself in warm, sundrenched Southern California.

RapidWrite: The Shadow Side 3-12-10

The Shadow Side
Author's Note: This is a rather dark entry.

My shadow's name is Raven. Raven sees herself and thinks, "I am so fat." Raven sees who casts her on the pavement and thinks, "That is one gorgeous girl." Deep inside, Raven knows she is beautiful.

Hurt. I'm hurt, and I am scared. No one in the world knows what it's like to be me, and they are lucky. Watching from behind, feeling so lonely. Stabbed in the back, stabbed in the gut. Stabbed in the heart. My broken heart is crying, wishing the knife would stop twisting. With every sobbed plea, the knife twists a little farther, presses in a little deeper. I would fight back, but the knife has me. I am pinned, weeping on the bathroom floor.

I stand up and brush myself off. Life continues. I feel sunshine radiate off the asphalt, but I have never seen the sun. That gorgeous girl is always blocking it. The sun cannot be where I am. We cannot coexist. I would disappear if the sun ever saw me. The sun would wither and extinguish if I ever touched it. Darkness cannot see light.

I am suppressed by my puppeteer. She rarely lets anyone see me. Her mom told her, "Trust no one." She will live and die by this.

When she dies, I will not. I will be left behind. Light will shine on the open casket, and I will exist beyond light's reach. As soon as the casket is closed, I will be allowed to grow and stretch, guarding my master's remains until she returns for them.

Rapid Write: Texting 3-10-10

"What?!" I cocked my head at my phone.

The message I opened had used a bunch of short cuts and words that had all of the vowels removed. I couldn't stand texting people who wrote like that. Honestly! Is it that hard to spell out please, boss, minutes, and thanks?

I hit reply and spelled out the word "what" and included a question mark. I gave up on deciphering the next message, replied, "Oh my goodness, never mind." (using all 21 letters, thank you!) I gently tossed my phone on my bed and walked into the kitchen, where I found my mom reading a book.

"Hi mom."
"Hi."
Well, she wasn't going to be very talkative. I grabbed an apple from the fridge and went back into my room, hearing my own book calling to me.

I had one missed call and a voicemail. My dad's voice came from the speaker and said, "Tell you mom that my boss is coming over in 5 minutes. I know, the house is a mess, quickly! Tidy it up, please! Thanks!"

When did my dad ever learn to text like that? I suddenly realized what the voicemail had said.

Oh crap! I thought, opening my door and yelling, "Mom!", just as the doorbell rang.

That New Phone Smell

A new purple phone in my hands,
I lightly tap the screen,
still sporting the plastic protector,
reminding me "please don't text and drive".

That vibrating in my pocket
is like an old friend.
The message received,
actually is an old friend.

I'm once again connected to the world,
people seem so interested in me,
texting and calling
this new purple phone in my hands.
:)

A pencil twirls between her fingers,
flipping between index and bird,
faster and faster she spins it,
too fast, lost control,
and it flies across the room.

Eyes 3-10-10
bright blue eyes
behold the starry skies
and wonder if That's where sister went
the night her parents cried.

Mascara 3-10-10
Layer one and layer two
I think that ought to do
like long legs of a spider,
mascara frames my eyes.

Rain 3-10-10
The earth is clean once more
as the birds begin to sing
the storm has come and gone
though the scent of clouds lingers

Puddles in a parking lot
are entertainment for all
as a child slashes through,
a sparrow takes a bath.

Shadows 3-10-10
the sun sets on the horizon,
the trees become monsters,
and the forest comes alive.
a lost child is crying.

Hi. :)

Blue 3-8-10

Blue
I heard a song in blue,
like a flower crying for the dew.
In the silence of my dreams,
he's still in love with me.

He still smiles at me
and holds my hands.
Still flirts and speaks
with me during band.

I feel sentimental
when those brown eyes look my way.
Rarely, he sees me and scowls.
The rest of the time he doesn't see me at all.

I tell my friends
I've moved on, he never respected me.
But deep down inside, I know it's a lie,
because my thoughts always end

whenever I hear his voice,
see his smile, smell his breath,
hear him play with all his might.
I wouldn't react this way if I had a choice.

Living with Confidence

"I've spent most of my life walking under that hovering cloud, jealousy, whose acid raindrops blurred my vision and burned holes in my heart. Once I learned to use the umbrella of confidence, the skies cleared up for me and the sunshine called joy became my faithful companion." ~Astrid Alauda

Living with Confidence 3-4-10

Jealousy
He walks with her and laughs at her jokes, playfully putting his arm around her waist. She’s beautiful, of course, without an ounce of fat on her body due to drill team. He used to look at me that way, and flash a smile that made my stomach go flip-flop like a dying fish, and the effect still hasn’t stopped after he treated me like dirt. But now I am absolutely nothing, invisible as he walks past me. My heart breaks all over again, and I feel like sinking into the floor and dying, but life must go on.

Raindrops
Plink, plink, plink. Raindrops land in a broken, blue bucket from the leaky roof, held together by haphazardly nailed two by fours. A child shivers beneath a tattered blanket, left alone while her brother is out in search of food. They didn’t know their fathers—Mamma had been raped both times she had conceived her children, and Mamma had died in a drive-by shooting outside the factory she had worked in. Thunder rattles the windows and the child begins to cry, wishing the monsters would go away, anxious for her brother to return.

Sunshine, Joy
The light from the water was often blinding, which was the reason behind so many car accidents along the boulevard. A young woman with long blonde hair pulled into two long braids runs on the sand, amazed by her first view of the power and immensity of the ocean. A breeze catches her new, big, floppy, yellow sun hat, and she grasps the edges, screaming as a cheeky seagull drags her sunglasses from her bag and across the sand, laughing as her friend feeds a fearless seagull out of her hand. Life is beautiful.

Mask 3-6-10

Mask

She walks down the street
and all heads turn as she passes.
White shirt, yellow skirt
swishing around her knees.

Bouncing blonde curls
inside a floppy, yellow sun hat.
Huge pink sunglasses that seem to fit
her shimmering pink lips and pearl-white teeth.

The strangers she passes on the sidewalk
see a beautiful movie star wandering down their shop-lined street
and gawk at her confidence and wonder what she's thinking,
but they no nothing.

There's a war going on inside
as she struggles to find a reason to live
after he left her broken and stranded
on the edge of the gaping maw of a black hole.

Her fate is unknown
as she finishes her window-shopping.
That goddess-like face is soon forgotten
as a floppy, yellow sun hat disappears around the corner.

Black Hole 2-16-10

Black Hole

You say to me,
"It's not like that anymore,
let's just be friends."
My world stops spinning
My life practically ends.

Tears landing in
my trembling hands.
Things had seemed so right
until I told spoke my mind.

I'm trying to make this
work out alright; being
just friends
could be the very thing our relationship needs.

It doesn't make it any easier
when you ignore me completely.
I'm trying to let go,
but your influence is much too strong.

The center of my solar system disappeared
and I spiraled out of control.
Plunging into the leftover black hole
from which something as fast as light
cannot escape.

My Life in 5 Short Stanzas 2-16-10

My Life in 5 Short Stanzas

1
I play my saxophone
quickly playing the notes
while ignoring the key signature
and I slaughter that phrase.

2
I play my saxophone
quickly playing the notes
after a glance at the key signature
I still slaughtered that phrase.

3
I play my saxophone
quickly playing the notes
once I'd studied the key signature
I did better that time.
Not good enough yet.

4
I play my saxophone
slowly playing the notes
circling the notes in the key signature
I did things right this time.

5
I play my saxophone
perfectly playing the notes
Stayed in the key signature
Oh, the triumph I feel.

Rapid Write 3-5-10: The Track Meet

The Track Meet

My knees were shaking as I stepped down from the school bus into the parking lot of my rival school. Several of its students had been my best friends in Junior High, but now there was an awkward, mile-wide canyon between us.
It was the day of my first track meet. Becca laughed and chatted at my side as we walked to the field. My coach, and brother, Matthew, led us to the throwing ring. My stomach knotted painfully, my heart pounded against my chest.
I paced nervously as, one by one, girls much bigger than I hurled their discs into the field.
It was my turn. I stepped into the ring, clinging to the yellow discus in my hands.
"Breathe." I whispered to myself. I stepped into my throwing stance, and turned, extending my left are in front, right arm in back. One deep breath and I twisted, thrusting my arm forward with all of my strength, a loud grunt of effort escaping my lips.
That baby flew forever, it seemed. I laughed when they said it was a 100 foot through. That couldn't be right.
I sat straight up in bed as my alarm clock screeched at me. Today was the day of my first track meet...

Fettuccine: 3-3-10

Fettuccine 3-3-10

Not spaghetti, nor linguine
sitting burring on a pantry shelf.
Expiration is just a year away.
What are the chances of seeing that blessed day?

To be thrown out, unopened and uneaten-
Is that that a better fate
than being boiled, covered in alfredo,
mixed with chicken and served on a plate?

Surviving death by fork,
teeth, enzymes, and stomach acids,
just to be dumped in smelly,
cold, dirty, sea-gull infested landfill?

Which is the better way to die?
Buried on a pantry shelf, cramped,
lonely, forgotten, impatient,
waiting for the judgment day.

A Red Straw 3-2-10

A Red Straw

Stuck through a lid to deliver
the goodness of the drink within the cup.
Used, abused, chewed, and shared.
The once appreciated straw is left:
discarded and broken on the lawn.

Still dripping in red goo,
the straw prays to be recycled and reused,
when it finds itself between two fingers
of a girl dressed in yellow.

We dream of being picked up
and taken into loving, caring hands,
to help us recover from the use and abuse
and brokeness of being
a straw left broken and discarded on the lawn.

Rapid Write: What Does Poetry Do For You? 3-2-10

Poetry is a swelling in my heart. It is a way for me to convey my thoughts and emotions in a comprehensible manner, instead of struggling to find words as I speak. Poetry is a gentle stress reliever for a clouded mind, a confused heart, and a troubled soul.

This went on my entry form for a poetry contest at my school. :3 the winner gets $400. :D I entered Ode to Ella as my poem. -crosses fingers-

The Good Girl 2-26-10

The Good Girl 2-26-10

When asked if I’ve done any good
In the world today, I have to pause and think.
What have I done to make a day bright,
For someone less fortunate than I?
I smiled real big and issued a hug
I opened a gym locker
Explained jazz theory to a confused friend,
and listened when they needed to vent.

I’ve never faked sick
To stay home from church or school,
Maybe I over-exaggerated,
But guilt made me go anyway.
I never drew on a sleeping friend
Or egged a jerk’s house.
Toilet-papered once—with adult supervision,
But in my unskillment ended up leaving the roll on the lawn.

I never broke a heart
Without apologizing sooner or later,
Even if it didn’t help ease the pain.

I never sluffed a class in my life,
And don’t plan to soon.
I never laugh at a down syndrome child
When everyone else treats them like a loon.

I never hijacked a car or held strangers hostage
in a Wal-Mart.
I never flirt with old, male Chemistry teachers
Just so he will raise my grade.

I never listened to a secret then
Turned around and told the world,
Because I value the trust
Placed on me by others.
It would hurt too much to lose.

I never mocked someone's art or writing
unless they made fun of it themselves.
Even then, I find the good points
So their self-esteem isn't destroyed.

I've never stolen someone else's phone or ipod.
I hate that feeling,
why should I make someone else have to go through
the stress, fear, anxiety, and sadness of having something stolen?

There are a lot of things that I have done,
both good and bad, mostly bad, I suppose.
But every rose has its thorns
Every actions has its cons and pros.

Ode to Ella

Ode to Ella 2-26-10

Curled up on my bed
with a book in my hands,
Ella Fitzgerald softly sings
about a sophisticated lady.

My eyes slide shut
as I quietly sing along;
Saddie jumps on my bed
and warms up my feet.

Ella scats about a train
to get to Sugar Hill way up in Harlem.
Neither of usknow the time:
we're in a day dream.

Rain patters against my windows
and lightening flashes across the sky.
Life is good because
I'm just a lucky so-and-so.

I missed that Saturday dance cause I
don't get around much anymore.
He does something to me,
and I wish it would stop.

Ella and I let a song go out of our hearts,
but it don't mean a thing.
Am I too late
to make amends?

We fell an urge to sing
a ditty that envokes the Spring.
I guess it's just one of those things,
but I get a kick out of life.

Such a lush life.
Life is lonely once more.
While only last year everything
seemed so sure.
Now life is awful again.

All I care is to smile through it all.
I'll forget him, I will.
Ella, my idol, will help me,
through her music,
on the long road ahead.